All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
