the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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