you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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