your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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