When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
