I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
