did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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