Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
