Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
