halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
