Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
