so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
