am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
