woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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