just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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