today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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