He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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