I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
