you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I forget how to act sober
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