I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
