i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
