Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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