Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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