lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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