: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
