I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
