New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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