420 ftw
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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