i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
