this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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