we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
