You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
