my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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