New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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