I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
