When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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