i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
