her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
