Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
