Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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