New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
