It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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