he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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