The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
