maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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