i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
