i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
