guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
