My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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