If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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