Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
