I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
