I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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