I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
